Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in lissy393's LiveJournal:

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Thursday, June 21st, 2007
2:13 pm	I stand corrected I've never been one to go against my word or my oppinions but I guess sometimes the strangest of things can occur. I have never taken a guy back, that is until this Monday. I shall explain: After my "high" of breaking up with Mark the whole reality and severity of the situation began to sink in. It got to the point where I couldn't do anything without thinking of him. I was trying to watch t.v and was looking for the "free movies on demand" and it was like every other movie had something that reminded me of Mark. I then went grocery shopping and I saw a corned beef brisket and I wanted to buy it for Mark for a joke we have. I got home and then went for a walk, while I was out walking I saw this guy wearing a PIKE shirt, and Mark was a PIKE. I didn't sleep well on Sunday and my heart was empty. On Monday things were just awful. I had a job interview after work so I had to dress up for work and it was sooo hot here. Normally in the morning either Mark or I send eachother an email or a phone call saying Hi. I started to write him something but then I remember I couldn't. I wrote my best friend in South Africa to tell her about the problem and tried to make it seem like I wasn't so upset. Ileah sent me a really funny forward and i would have always sent it to Mark. My phone never rang and no informative articles about South Africa sent by Mark arrived. In the midst of this I am talking to Amanda (the girl who kinda set us up) and she was upset also. I was telling her my woes and she said that I should call Mark and talk to him. I can't do that, it's just not what I do. Instead I sent him an email saying I miss my best friend. Mark sent me back one saying me too (in Spanish). After work I had this job interview. The job sounds great and the location is great as well. The only thing is that I was an emotional wreck. I have no recollection of what I said during the interview but I know for most of the time I was thinking about Mark and not having a friend. I got home from the interview only to come home to no electricity, which meant no air. I then went downstairs to bitch the concierge out and while waiting received a text message from my sister saying that she didn't care about me or anything that happens in my life. Needless to say, I am standing in the middle of my apartment building with my cellphone in my hand just crying. At this point Shaw the concierge came over to make sure I was ok and then he lead me to the couch and we talked and I told him how my life sucked. I should also mention that it is my period week... so emotions are running crazy. After I calmed down a little I wanted to talk to someone and I started to scroll down to the M's. I of course didn't call Mark but called Ileah for some support and words of wisdom (I would have called my mom but she is in Austalia). Ileah was at work and said she would call me later. I then called Amanda and her response was to call Mark. After asking god for a sign, that eventually came as some guy saying he had just eaten a brisket sub from quizno's (Mark's favorite "man sandwich") I decided to call him. We decided to meet up. We met downstairs in the cafe below my building. We talked, argued, cried, I smacked him a couple times.... and in the end we hugged and kissed and things were back to normal, well a different normal and we are both going to work harder. So that is it, however if you ask me the real reason is because he couldn't live without me... it's not his fault, not a lot of people can. -ECL. p.s. incase you are wondering my sister and I did break up. I am pretty sure we will get together and I will see her again considering she is family and all. I am going to give her 3 more years and maybe then her hormones would have calmed down. For her replacement I am buying a fish and calling it Camilla Estee Lever and I will be her friend. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Sunday, June 17th, 2007
1:15 pm	And life goes on... Today Mark and I broke up. It was very mutual. I am sure we both feel the same way about things but our time was up. I am glad that I had these past 7 months because they were great at times. It seems sort of forshadowing but I wrote this to him when I gave him his Chanukah present (a bottle of vintage wine). Mark, I chose to give you this bottle of wine for two reasons. First because the wine guy said it is the best red vintage and second because I hope it is a start to a wonderful collection. I was told it needs at least three years or so before it is ready to drink, so here is to the future…. Maybe I will be toasting the wine with you. Maybe you will be toasting my demise. Maybe it will be for the celebration of you getting a new job, finishing grad school or you make your first millions. Maybe I’ll be with you, or maybe some hot Swedish blond with be beside you. Maybe you will be toasting your engagement or marriage. Maybe you will be celebrating the birth of your first child Maybe it will be because you bought your dream house. Maybe you will be embarking on that world tour you dreamed of. Maybe you’ll drink it when you retire. Whatever the future holds and whatever the maybe is, I wanted to be the first one to start your collection… and maybe you will think of me and remember the moments we share together, hopefully it will put a smile on your face and remember that once upon a moment there was this girl called Elise who bought you wine and cared about you a lot. .............. I just started crying when I read the last part, because it is so true. Noone can ever say for certain what the future holds but we have to be honored to have shared them with someone for just that moment in time. I also hope he remembers me more than just the girl who bought him that wine. Here's to the end of a relationship and to the many more new ones that will come. -Elise. (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Wednesday, June 13th, 2007
7:42 pm	i hate insurance companies. that is all. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Monday, May 14th, 2007
5:06 pm	how deep is deep That old saying: when it rains it pours well it is very true. My life is in shambles and I have no control over it. - I still dont have a job - I have shingles - My cat that I've had for 17 years was put to sleep today - A job that I thought I had interviewed for and done well in I didn't get - I probably will be homeless in two weeks Trying to be positive is really hard when absolutely nothing is going right. (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Thursday, April 26th, 2007
8:24 pm	My life My life is pretty hectic right now. I don't have a job, and I hate not having something to do all day. It's boring and well I don't think reading 3 novels a week is a good thing. I am a little stressed about not having a job as well. I usually wake up at 6am with bad stomach pain and my heart pounding like crazy. I've been having weird dreams lately as well. Last night I had a dream I was a chicken nugget, but I wasn't even a good one like from Fridays or something, I was a nugget from Mcdonalds... I was a McNugget. My therapist said that dreams are just your conscious dealing with things... is my conscious dealing with the fact that I am just average or *gulp* less than average? I like to think that I was unique, that my outlook on life and the way I deal with things were differnt to the rest. Maybe I was wrong. So the other thing I have noticed is that everyone I know is engaged or getting married. Many of these are guys that I had dated... so my now grand total is  Guys dated- (I would rather not say the number because it's pretty high and I think I can classify myself as a whore)  Guys I dated who are married/engaged- 5 Now, I know these things because of stupid facebook and myspace, plus all the guys I date are Jewish and everyone knows everyone who is Jewish (ok ok, i probably dated them or their frat brother) and someone always tells me the gossip. Now, I love my occasional gossip of who is doing whom, who broke up with whom, who pissed so and so off etc... I really do miss the old college days. So what else can I say.... I have a fistula (if you dont know what it is then wikipedia it), it's a new addition to me I have called him ralph. I've been told that he wont be staying for long. Lets see, everything else in my life is going well. I'm still with Mark, which makes it 6 months (by his counting) 7 months (by my counting). He's been supportive and makes me laugh and reminds me that i am not just a mcnugget, and that I am good enough to be his 17th wife. Mark knows how what I really want in life is to be in someones Heram.  Thats all that is going on. I'm sure now that I have more time to read and to think I will have some more journaling to do.  miss you all, ecl. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Wednesday, April 4th, 2007
6:58 pm	Just Last week... Just last week, my coworker and friend Jamie got a brand new car. She was so excited about this car because she had never had a brand new car before. I even made a special trip downstairs with her to see the car and smell the fresh car smell. We joked about how adult we are that we can buy cars and pay for them and also about how not fun it is to pay for insurance.  Jamie started about a month after I started. She is a vegetarian and we share a love of hummus.. she makes the best homemade kind. She is a religion major so we talk about religion a lot and knows a lot about judaism. We talk during the day on Gchat when we are at our designated desks. Sometimes when I get really frazzled or need a break I go and sit by her desk and we talk about stuff. We both love reading and she joined my book club. We share books, joke about office politics, and swap stories about men. On Monday we found out that Jamie had an accident and broke 7 bones in her neck. She was on a ventilator but has now been removed from it. She has feeling in her lower body but they dont know if she will walk again. She will have extensive surgeries and wont be back for a long time.  I can't believe that last week we were joking about life and she was excited about this new guy she started seeing. Instead of thinking about what to wear she now has to think about never walking again.  I hate it when life suddenly reminds you what really matters. I love you Jamie. -Elise. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Wednesday, February 28th, 2007
7:57 pm	relationships You know that thing that says a guy should love you while wearing sweats crying etc... well I agree that a lot of that is true but I have my own list to make. How to know that you have a good one. - Wont let you leave if you are in a fight. - If he thinks you are mad at you, he will call to make up. - Offering to pay when your car gets towed. -calls you if he dosn't see you on Gchat to make sure you are ok. - when buying dvd's asks you if you want anything - plans fun events - sends you virtual hugs - rushes to be by my side in hospital - always drives b.c knows i hate driving - can look at me and know if i am in pain - gives me neck massages - holds your hand in public and while driving - spontaneous kisses -will hug and kiss you in the middle of the night when thinks you are sleeping - takes my side when someone makes me mad - gives you practical presents; like a map of metro dc - lets you watch greys anatomy and american idol if i'm at his house. - wakes up early to scrape ice and snow off my car -accompanies you to the dmv - lets me vent then gives me a hug - reminds me that there are more important things to worry about in life. - buys you random things just because - Is your best friend. I don't think we should ever settle for anything less..... (4 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, January 2nd, 2007
10:39 pm	resoution solutions  made some new resoutions: *Not be so neurotic. Now this is very hard for me to do b.c I am constantly worrying about everything and everyone. Plus you know you have issues when your issues start to bother you. So I am going to start by not doing my bed everyday. I know many think it's weird that I am probably doing the opposite of what people would normally do but I think not doing my bed is a step to being less neurotic. I promised myself I would start this morning.... however I had an extra 10 minutes in my schedule and made the bed. *Stop planning every minute detail of my day. I write a to do list everynight. Sometimes it's mental list but more than likely it is written down somewhere. I wake up in the middle of the night and add something to my list. Every minute of my day is timed. From the moment I wake up to right now as I scheduled 10 minutes for journaling. I need to learn how to less loose and just go with the flow. *Have more sex. Sex makes me happy and less bitchy. Me being less bitchy makes everyone around me happy plus it's a great workout. *Be more Jewish. As a chosen one, I feel it is my duty to fulfill my jewish duties. Getting married and having children is not what I want to do anytime soon... so instead of procreating my hot jewishness I am going to start by being more Kosher AND actually going to temple. I first have to find a temple that makes me feel comfortable, and that has young people. *Be nicer to Andrew. I love my little piggy, and he means a lot to me but I can be really bitchy towards him. So from now on I will stop spiking his food with drugs so he will fail his drug test, stealing his pens, making fun of his laugh, pretending that my phone isn't working and hang up on him, making fun of his friends I dont like, make a noise to wake him up at 7am, Stop calling him a unik, making fun of his messages, rollig my eyes at him, telling him we need stuff for the apt which we really don't, telling him to shut up several times a day, trying to sell his stuff on ebay, trying to sell him on ebay. * Not watching so much Law & Order. I think that we all watch way too much of that show and I am begining to use lawyer and police jargon. It is sort of scary. * Make my boobs stop growing. I don't know why my boobs are still growing but pretty soon I am going to have to quit my job and have to be a porn star.. or a circus freak. When I was little my nanny told me that in order for your boobs to grow, you have to let boys rub them. So I may or may have not taken this to heart. In any case I need to stop going up to strangers in the street and asking them to touch my breasts. *Have a threesome. ummmmm still not going to happen. Other than those I am perfect in every way :) (4 Comments |Comment on this)
Sunday, December 3rd, 2006
3:48 pm	A story About two months ago on of my ex's came to the D.C. area. He invited me out, translation he just wanted to hook up with me. This is one of my ex's who I couldn't be around for more than 5 minutes or else we would fight but we had amazing make up sex after. I was very debatable about whether or not I should go out with him. I mean it had been a while since I had some intimacy with someone and he was an ex so it wouldn't be akward or feel like a one night stand.  The boy in question of course has a girlfriend. I immediately flashed back to the way I felt when I found (and subsequently met) the gilrs that Dan cheated on me with. I remember how angry I was and how hurt I was. I decided that noone, not even someone I hadn't met should ever go through something like that. Since I am a firm believer in Karma I decided not to listen to that devil voice inside my head telling me to do it and I didn't meet up with him. That night however, I did go out with Mark.  When I first moved ot D.C I had a list of things I wanted: 1. A single Jewish girlf firned to go out and meet guys with. 2. A gay friend to go shopping with 3. A fuck buddy (what can I say it dosn't take much to please me).  Since being in the city for a month I had already found two of the three and was looking for a fuck buddy.... in comes Mark.  Mark and I met through a friend and you know how us girls know whithin the first five minutes if we are going to sleep with them, well I just knew it. Mark is obnoxious, has a huge ego, is like a walking dictionary and is very sarcastic, of course I fell for him the second I met him. For the first couple of weeks we would talk on line and flirt when we went out together (there was a drunkin scene of me in Silver Diner falling asleep on him). Things slowly progressed and our feelings for eachother became apparent when we would go out with friends and have to sneak in a little hug or touch here and there. That first night was like most first nights. It was a little akward, it took him a while to make the first move but it was a good move. We talked about nothing, joked about everything, and he kissed me everywhere. I woke up the next morning and felt so calm and at ease, like it was just meant to be. Since that first night things have only gotten better. Mark got enough points and was upgraded to boyfriend status. Everytime I see him I feel a little lightheaded and this big smile engulfs my face. When he touches me he takes my breath away and when he kisses the back of my neck he makes my body melt and all thought and reason leave my body. I love spending time with him. Like right now he is reading a book and I am watching him through my typing. I can watch him forever (he has no idea I am watching him). So I think I found something that had been missing in my life for a while. I found someone who can take my breath away and at the same time challenge me in ways that noone else has ever tried. There is no drama or no power struggle, we just both like eachother and that is the way it is supposed to be. So that is my story, and now I am going to go pounce on him and demand attention :) and so it is, ECL (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Sunday, November 19th, 2006
8:37 pm	babies I've been babysitting since I was 12 years old. When I was twelve and I would have the kids with me, everyone knew I was the babysitter. As I got older people still assumed I was the babysitter. I remember being 17 and someone asking me if it was my child and I nearly freaked out because I was just a child. Today I babysat my ex's nephew (I know sounds weird but they are good family friends and helped me a lot since I lived up here). He is 14 months old and really cute. He has a great personality and isn't fussy and likes to be with people. Babies are pretty simple to manage, it's kinda like men; feed, nap, play, feed, nap, play... substitute play for sex. So basically it was like spending time with a mini boyfriend who likes to cuddle and play with his member when you change him. After our afternoon nap (I had to take one as well, I was beyond exhausted) we met Ileah (she just moved here on Thursday) at the mall. Now just the act alone of getting the baby ready to go outside for the winter was a show in itself. I had the sweater, jacket, and the gloves and hat (he looked like a littel smurf). So we get to the mall and everyone is oohing and aahing, and I'm of course taking great pride in this because I am thinking yay! they loved how I dressed the little munchkin, but they were just oohing and aahing at the baby in general. After they would remark about the baby they would then ask me how old, and then if I was giong to have any more kids. I shot them a look of disgust and infromed them that I was only the babysitter. It then dawned on me that this child could be mine.... I am of child bearing age and child rearing age. I then remembered that some of my best friends have babies. Tara and soon Jessica have babies.  btw, I am really not ready for babies or marraige.  (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, November 7th, 2006
10:59 pm	prayers The first time I heard it I was sitting in a dark room looking at someone I thought I loved. He was singing the lyrics to me and he kissed me as he sang along to the lyrics, "and somtimes I thank g-d for unanswered prayers". I used to think he was singing about me and that my world had figured it's way out and that we were going to be together and that someone else was his unanswered prayer. I used to think that it was so easy and that is what it was all about. If I had him in my life than nothing else could or would ever happen to me. But it ended, as do most one sided relationships. And I did a lot of praying. I prayed that we would get back. When I realized that wouldn't happend, I prayed that I would find someone to replace him. When that didn't happen I prayed that I would find someone, anyone to make me not feel alone. When that didn't happen I prayed that I could feel any form of love again. When that didn't happen I prayed that I would be able to just feel again. When that didn't happen I prayed that I could just be happy by myself. When that didn't happen I prayed that maybe I could just be happy pretending to be happy. When that didn't happen I decided to pray for an answer or a sign that I was meant to better things. It didn't happen. I was too busy praying to really look into my life and realize what a great and fabulous life I have. I speant to many nights alone in bed thinking, and crying about thing I wanted and wished for when all along everything was right in my fingertips. My masterplan was not to have things given to me easy. You have to work for the things you want most in life. I wasn't meant to get my first job out of college and move to a great new city. No, I had to do my time and work at a job and live at home. I was meant to date so many guys and be dissapointed and unfulfilled. I was meant to get sick to learn what to really cry about.  All those unanswered prayers happend for a reason. I haven't been this happy in five years. I've finally made peace with some of my past decisions and mistakes. I've come to terms with the fact that I cannot control every aspect of everyone's lives. I know that there may not be a reason that you will like or that if you are good you will still get hurt. I learned that you can't hold on to yourself and be your own life jacket, someone has to be there and it's ok to ask for help.  That not knowing something is sometimes better than knowing the truth. That sometime things happen to protect you. Friendships are fleeting but the ones who stay around are the ones you keep. Forgiveness isn't easy but you should experience it often. And most importantly to thank god for some of my unanswered prayers. So to all the people that ask about how I am, I am doing great. My life is going as well as to be expected. I am blessed to have found new wonderful friends who make me laugh, and enjoy life.I have the most inspirting roommate who taught me all about self sacrifice and fulfilling his destiny..... and I love him so much for everything he does for me. And my new best friend Amanda who reminds me everyday how much fun it is to be alive, young and free, and for her shoulder to cry on and ear to bitch at when Andrew annoys me. We were destined to meet, it's funny how I knew you even before I met you. Then there is Mark, who challenges me and makes me think in ways I havn't dreamed of, and who wont let me leave his house angry or until he apologizes, and despite his cold demeaner has the biggest heart and cares about his friends more than anyone else I know (yes you too Amanda!). My wonderful coworkers who make me laugh and deal with my neurosis and let me reorganize the office. Soon one of my oldest and best friends will move here where we can finish our novel and hopefully share with the world our adventures (and have some more of our own). Life is good and I couldn't ask for anything else... even if I could have one of those prayers. and so it is.. ecl. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Friday, August 4th, 2006
10:22 pm	new Making a new place your home takes time. For the past two days I have been exploring everywhere around here. So far I have found tthe following the best chicken place is accross the street, on Wednesday night Rock Bottom is the place to be, the hottest guy lives on the 16th floor (my floor) I am going to get lost in my parking garage I have to put the laundry detergent in the designated dispenser or all your laundry will come out blue I am 30 minutes to the nearest walmart. There are 4 starbucks within a 0.2 mile area Andrew kesslove loosers everything Cherries cost $14 for two pounds. The service is really slow at the cosi down the street Dr. delivery will deliver everything walking on a sprained ankle is not a good idea it's been a long two days. (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Monday, July 24th, 2006
4:53 pm	I woke up today feeling like a big whale. I think children are pointing and laughing at me!  (Comment on this)
Saturday, July 22nd, 2006
11:08 am	Elise's blonde moment On July 12th I bought a new Passat. On July 17th I sideswiped my car.  For your veiwing pleasure:     Well I guess it just proves my point that i should just be a trophy wife who gets chauffred around all day.  p.s. I know I am a ditz. (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Wednesday, July 5th, 2006
3:32 pm	GIGANTIC LIFE CHANGING NEWS Incase you arn't on myspace.... Elise got a new job and is moving to D.C. within the month. (I will post more details later). (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, June 20th, 2006
8:52 pm	Last night I had a mini break down. It was a needed breakdown becuase I havn't had one in a a couple months. With my wine beside me and pen in hand I wrote and wrote in my journal about all my woes. I wrote about how alone I feel, about how I have no friends and how my life isn't going anywhere and how close I am to being that lonely spinster with 46 cats and a cane yelling at people. This of course is a usual Elise pitty party. This usually follows by an hour or two of crying and then calling someone who gets me out of this mood. Last night, however, nobody answerd their phone so I was then left to think that everyone in the world hated me and I was this huge burden who noone wanted to be with. I finally fell asleep with my cellphone stuck to my ear from my tears. I woke up again at 3am from this very selatious dream I had about Mat and I getting it on in an ice cream shop. Needless to say my fake dream sex I had with Mat completely made me feel better and I eventually fell kback asleep ************************* Elise's Vitals: Relationship- realized that men no matter how old have their issues. Health- some pain but the acupuncture is helping me calm down Work- Working out the righth retirement plan for me. Family- Completely nuts Money- Still want to marry someone rich And so it is...... (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Wednesday, June 7th, 2006
10:15 pm	thoughts I am taking a break from life for a while. Actually, I am refocusing my life. I will explain more hopefully by the end of the month but for right now I'm just a huge work in progress. The hint is that something I have wanted since I was 16 is coming true. Other that working, and trying not to be eaten by an alligator everything is fine down here in hell. I can write and tell you about the craziness of my family, my theory that Miami should be it's own country, How I believe in sterilization in many of my friends (and people I meet), How I met a homeless Hassidic, Reasons why I am too pretty to work, the story of how my boyfriend broke his ribs, getting hit on by the jewish lesbian mafia, My altercation with a guy that had a ribbon on his car that said I support Lap Dances, How I am only allowed to bitch at 2 members of my family per day, my epileptic dog, Why Peanut Butter is THE best food EVER!, my excuse for getting out of having a colonoscopy, my random conversations with bank tellers, How I got to the most friendliest Starbucks, How small mexican men want to dance with me b.c their heads reach my boobs, My stock options in Ketchup, My flirting skills being passed on to my sister, I am teaching my 15 yr old neighbor to drive, Howcome I'm on diet and the only body part getting smaller are my fingers?, People who don't floss deserve to have decaying teeth, Why I still support the War, How lonely I am b.c most of my friends live and still party in Tampa, One of my best friends is pregnant, Trisha moved to Colorado, Women who need to shave their chins, and how so very much I want to learn vietnamese to hear what Ping my nail person is really saying about me. But I am sure that would only bore you. It's just a ride or something I guess. -Elise Current Mood: blue (Comment on this)
Thursday, May 11th, 2006
10:29 pm	super bitch when i am extra special bitchy it is b.c i am in pain. when i am in super pain i am an extra extra with a cherry on top fuckin bitch. right now i am quasi extra special bitch/ extra bitchy mood. For instance: I told off a fireman bc he actually asked to cut me in line. He was buying food and had double parked his big red truck in the front of publix (and i had to walk all the way around it to get to the entrance btw). I informed him that I had been waiting in line for a long time (I was stupid and got in the food stamps isle). He then gave me this speach about saving peopl and blah blah blah. So I informed him that I too save people and that i was a lifeguard. Of course there was more choice words in there.. but like I said pain= superbitch. I have a bad flare up and I am writing in between taking pain meds and I am actually conscious and making sense... although I am probably not making sense to anyone else but myself..hmm. Things going on in my life: 1. My father has bought 4 cars in the past month. Note, none of them for me. We do currently have every model of vehicle that VW sells on my driveway. I of course threw a fit b.c when i was 15 i did not wake up to find a brand new jetta that daddy bought me. No! when I was 16 I woke up to my period. I should also mention that daddy bought my brother a brand new passat. This of course was followed by another crazy fit that I had b.c i didn't know one is supposed to reward the sloth who takes up space and pees on the toilet seat a car. Am I jealous YES! am i being immature about it.. YES! are my feelings hurt.. YES! Of course I learn about responsibility and all that crap that being an adult is all about. It still dosn't make if fair. Or me any happier. 2. I had a great dream this afternoon. Granted oxycodon makes you have really funny dreams, I had a dream that I think is a prophecy. Evidently in my dream i was worth 400 million dollars and owned everyone and everything. Plus I was on the cover of Time and looked super hot! yeah, so usually my dreams come true so I would start the sucking up to me now. 3. I switched tampon brands. I have been an avid tampax pearl fan for years now but I now prefer playtex. (yes my life is so boring that i can actually write about the changing of tampons). I realized that the type of tampon you use is a very personal and special thing. In a way it defines who you are. I mean you can be the kind of person who likes the simple things and no frills like regular tampax. Or else you can be a planner and buy the kind with all the different absorbancies. You can be a snob and use the pearl kinds. You can be sophisticated and use the playtex kinds. I think I may have come accross a new chapter in one of my novels I am writing. 4. Speaking of novels I am writing two right now. one is about self esteem and finding yourself, being a fabulous woman and incorporate everyones stories. You know funny sex stories about having crazy sex with an old guy and having him break two ribs, or having sex at a mcdonalds bathroom. I think it would be a great guide for anyone who is normal and has to deal with real life situations such as flirting your way to a free hotel room, or pretending to have turrets to get out of an awful blind date. I feel like I am full with all of these ideas and problem solving ways of the world and I have to share. So that is my serioud novel with a name pending. I am thinking the name would be catchy and maybe a pun. Back to my problem. My other novel is a true story of Ileah and my life... it's actualy entitled a tale of two clitties, and it's sort of a funny recolection of the guys we have met and everything they taught us. We both have a long list of very scandelous stories that I think would make a great movie movie one day. 5. I have surpassed the 600 lb weigh in and I actually broke down and ordered that whole nutrisystem thingy. I really like this whole food being delivered to you. Plus if it works i want to be on t.v as one of those before and after pictures... like in a bikini with some hot guy rubbing lotion all over me. I so need sex. 6. I'm in pain and my meds are kicking in. I know you all read this to find out what is going on in my life but nothing great is happening. There is nothing exceptionaly interesting... i need a colon transplant (do they even do that?). i would disregard everything i just said.. or anything i've said the past year and a half. -ECL. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Saturday, April 15th, 2006
12:51 pm	Because Katie loves a good update, or is nosey? hehehe. So my life well lets see. Today I woke up feeling a little weird, like I didn't belong here or something? I think it was these weird dreams I kept on having last night. I feel dizzy and disoriented today, but of course I am disoriented most days (as my boss says). Work is good, but I mean how good can work be? seriously I wake up every morning wishing I could sleep longer and go back to my dream (you know the one where I am flying and looking at everyone from above). But I don't because I remember that I have something called social and personal responsibilities and I get my ass up. I put on a suite most days because I am probably having a meeting or else going with a donor for lunch etc. (you can use etc. up to your own imaginiation). I spend most of my day in my office which I have decoreated with pictures of people I love (yes, there are pictures of you) and of cards, letters, and inspirationa words people have told me or I have made up (I guess it is a little conceited but hey, when you have a gift for using words to inspire, I guess you should listen to them yourself). I feel accomplished at work. Being that my boss took a complete chance on hiring somone without experience (while he had two other candidates with a lot more than me) I have done very well. Having the most succesful walk in Florida may have something to do with it. I worked my ass off the past couple of months and will make budget. Not only did I make budget but I also met the most amazing people this year. I met mothers of diabetic children who wake up twelve times a night to make sure their children havcn't gotten into a diabetic coma, I met CEO's who take time out of their busy day to have lunch with me and discuss how they can make a difference. I met new friends who are like me starting out, and want to make a difference in the world. I met a 17 year old who single handedly raised $20,000 (now that is some talent). Evidently someone on LJ thinks I suffer from something called "white privilidge". I mean yes, I was born white but that is about all. I think anyone that has a brain, a will to make a difference, a heart, and some guts is privilidged (whoa isn't that everyone??) I am taking a spiritual journey right now. I am learning to let go of things. Like for instance the fact that my highschool boyfriend is getting engaged to his girlfreind (you know the one he cheated on, and complained about... he probably complained to you about her.. bc a lot of friends always ask if they are still together being that he voiced his complaints to many of my friends). I am letting go of the fact that he is mature enough to spend the rest of his life with someone he has known for four years but wont apologize for hurting someone he has known for 10 years (no that would require balls, something that I think she probably took from him). But hey! I am letting go of it all because you know what I have my own path. My path you ask? well, I recently have done a lot of reading, and a lot of thinking and I realized that I ABSOLUTELY LOVE fundraising. It is the closest thing to leaving a mark on the world that I can do. (Did I ever tell you about my theory of leaving our mark?? well it can be explained mainly in the scene in Hamlet when he holds the skull of his old friend the clown.. what is it, ashes to dust?? or what is a man?, I can't remember it's been a number of years). Well I am meant for greater things, and I am not saying it because I have this big ego or because I think that the sun rises and sets at my very whim but because everyone is meant for greater things. (btw the sun does rise and set for you, it does for everyone.... just not a lot of people take time out to realize it... it is something I realized when I run at sunset). Back to me. I believe in doing what is best for you, and something that Ashley Foss taught me (which was taught to her by her mormon bretheren) choose the right (I used to think it meant always stay in the right lane but it has taken a better meaning). I have chosen the way of morals and always doing things that are right. Like, not cheating on someone, telling someone my feelings, treating your body right, etc etc. Well I guess what I am getting at is that I think my path is wanting to take me to Washington D.C. I am working at it. Since I love politics and I am recently a new member of the Republican Party I can get a job being a fundraiser for them or maybe even a strategist. I'm lucky b.c the universe sent me Andrew which is great because he comes with a place to stay and an engagement ring if I want it. So far I have a couple more things to cross off my things to do before I settle down list. They are major things, but one of them is to run a marathon. Lately I have found myself running a lot more. I enjoy taking time out every night, put my ipod on and just run until I feel reenergized (which is weird b.c you have to loose all energy to be energized). In the spirit of health I have also taken to meditation. I used to wonder how just breathing can help you but WOW! it does. For instance, today I meditaed and wanted to make sure I used the right energy to fulfill everything I was meant to do today. I have also been praying a lot. Fortuantly or unfortuantly I have been praying for other people beside myself. I worry about people, and I want to help them all so i send out good thought and pray that their answers will be found, their hearts healed, and they will find whatever it is they need. I should probably start praying myself because I have questions, my heart still has some bruises, and I know I am still looking for something. Sometimes I forget how much I am loved. You see one of my deepest darkest secrets is that I feel really alone in the world. It is not because I am alone, it is just something that is enately created in me. It is probably why I don't need to always be with someone, why I push people away and probably why I am so indipendant and don't rely on anyone but myself. AAAAAh what a huge flaw I have discovered inside myself. I wake up a lot feeling this loneliness (like today) and I was angry because it seems like evryone else has someone who loves them but me.. hence my feeling like I don't belong. There was an actual thought that went in my head saying that maybe I don't belong and that I wasn't meant to be loved. Isn't that pathetic.... to actually think that I don't deserve to be loved. So I did what I alwasy do and that was think about it and make myself depressed about it. I then went to go lay out and get a tan because maybe that would distract me from these feelings and because it's too hot to run. So I did that, and I laid out. I was daydreaming about being loved and remembering the last time I felt loved and totaly happy and secure. Funny because it wasn't with a boy, or shopping or anything like that it was when I was getting initiated. I remember wearing the white, and Clara being with me. I remember the words, the songs, and then I remembered people crying when it was done. God I sound so sentimental and stuff. But it's true, I was loved that day. I secretly looked forward to January because I was always loved on that weekend in January, we all were. So I don't know, maybe that is the answer, maybe we are supposed to know that we are loved by our memories that we have created. For instance, remember that time Danielle and I baked three cakes just because we wanted to. One was b.c I got my period, one was bcause it was our four year anniversary and the other was because it said moist and connie hates the word moist..... see that is a memory and wow that means I am loved because I had to expereince that. It is suffice to say that I have been through a lot of memories with a lot of different people to know that I am so loved by so many. Which dosn't mean people don't like me, but there will always be people who don't like me and people who I don't like.. but that is life (and like my rabbi said surround yourself with the ones that do love you). So basically that is what I am doing. I am surrounded by the most loving people in world. Even if I havn't spoken to them on th phone, or emailed them in while they are all around me. I hear their wishes of love, good luck, and hope for me. I feel when they think about that time we stayed in bed all day because we could, or the time we drove to New Orleans (remember when I got my belly button piereced? oh wow that was fun... that picutre of the vagina behind you... will forever be in my mind. There are those sad memories, like the one with you katie (you know what i am talking about). And of course I am crying because it's two years but also because you are so loved, just like I am. I remember so many things, good, bad and in between. I remember my lipstick lesbian name, or when I was called Elle, or that time in the shower with that guy (well I guess he remembers it also). Remember being a BTH, and his 10 inch fish. I remember that time you came to my house after camp one day and gave me a bracelet b.c you wanted to, or that time when i held you in my arms for hours because your grandfather just died. I remember eating tijuana flats after you were initiated.. do you remember? What about the time we were stuck in the sorority house during the hurricanes and we sat and talked all day? all the times we went for ice cream, or had retail therapy. Those were the days. Life dosn't really get any better than this, does it? and so it is, just like you said it would be. -ECL So there it is, the ins and outs of what is going on in my life. (5 Comments |Comment on this)
Wednesday, April 5th, 2006
8:12 pm	KATIE, THE BEST THINGS COME TO THOSE WHO WAIT. TELL THE UNIVERSE WHAT YOU WANT, WORK HARD, AND YOU WILL BE SUPRISED AT THE OUTCOME. LICO, Elise. (1 Comment |Comment on this)